Forgiveness
by ThatPanicGirlE
Summary: SECOND PLACE WINNER IN THE BATHED IN BLACK CONTEST: Jacob loves Bella, but can he handle knowing how she feels about him? Jacob/Bella


**Bathed In Black  
Forgiveness  
ThatPanicGirlE  
Rated M  
Jacob/Bella  
All characters and stuff belong to Stephanie Meyers. **

**

* * *

**I pushed her away.

I felt more regret and remorse than I've ever felt in my entire life. She only wanted to be near me, and I totally fucked up the one great thing I had going in my life.

How could I have been so stupid and blind?

When she reached for my hand and gazed in my eyes, I felt the biggest spark of electricity my warm body has had the pleasure of feeling. I wanted her so badly.

I knew she needed me to show her how much I really cared about her, but I was scared to death that if I did, I would end up hurting her.

She had finally gotten to the point of being able to show some sort of emotion and love towards another person, and I fucked it all up by telling her that I couldn't love her back.

That was the hugest fucking lie I've ever told another person.

I did love her.

And now she hated me.

She shot up from her seat after I said that I couldn't love her back, and my heart tore into a million little pieces when she slapped me. She put her face into her hands and ran back to that old rusty pickup truck that I'd spent countless hours working on.

She was my best friend. And no matter how many times I tried to rationalize what I had done, it all came back to me being completely and utterly stupid. I loved Bella. Why couldn't I admit that?

I paced back and forth in the garage where we'd spent so many hours of our time together. She had finally gotten over the broken heart after losing the love of her life and started to trust me. I should have ended it earlier, but I was being selfish. I wanted her there with me. I knew that. My heart knew that. My brain, however, thought it was the most ridiculous idea in the world to want to love her.

I sat down on this huge piece of plastic that lined the floor of the garage, staring up at the project that had brought us so close together. Bella was so happy working with me on these god forsaken motorcycles, and as I stared at the shiny silver gas tank that she just got me for mine I instantly realized that I was no better than that fucker Edward Cullen. I'd never left her side, and pushing her away the way I had just done put me in the same category as him.

I felt like the world's largest asshole ever.

I stood up and felt the desire to trash my entire garage. It was too perfect.

Bella, albeit a sweet girl, had come in and completely cleaned and rearranged my garage. It was beginning to be too much for me. Everywhere I looked I saw her.

I saw her as she laughed at my jokes.

I saw where she sat on the back seat I placed near the motorcycle so she could watch. It was her favorite spot. She would cuddle up to my back as I worked, placing her hands so gently around my waist and nuzzling her face into my hair.

I instantly missed her sighs, her blank stare as she daydreamed and the way she would laugh so hard at my awkwardness.

God, I loved this girl.

How could I be so fucking stupid?

The longer I stared into the silver gas tank, the more I knew what I needed to do.

I stood up in a flash and grabbed her completed motorcycle, pushing it out of the garage. I hopped on and prayed it would make it to Forks.

As I zoomed down the highway, rain started to fall as it always did, and I only hoped it wouldn't fall so heavily that I couldn't make it.

One more moment without my Bella was too much for my heart to take.

The rain did me a favor and waited until I got close to her house before it began to fall in earnest. It was the first thing that had gone completely right today, and I hoped that would be a good omen of things to follow.

I stopped in front of her house, and thankfully, her dad hadn't gotten home yet. I stared up at her window wondering where she was and if I'd hurt her so much she wouldn't forgive me.

As the rain poured all over me, my shirt felt so heavy from the drenching rain, and it became too much of a nuisance. I removed it over my head and threw it on top of my motorcycle. My hair had become rain soaked and drenched also, and I felt no need to even try to pull it back.

I picked up a small pebble and tossed at her window. I waited for what seemed like an eternity, and no one came to the window. So I picked up another one and then another and another till finally I saw curtains pull to the side. I saw her face in the window, and I was sure she'd give me the finger and close the curtains. Instead, she lifted the window.

"What the hell are you doing out there?" she said as loudly as she could.

"I – I needed to see you."

"It's raining. You'll catch a cold."

She closed the window, and I patiently waited on her to come down stairs. As the red door of the house opened, she darted out carrying a towel.

"Get inside before you get sick."

I followed her into the foyer and expected the Chief of police, also Bella's father, to question why a half naked boy was standing in his house, but he seemed to not be around.

I dried off as well as I could, and Bella went into the kitchen, grabbing two coffee cups out of the cabinets. She poured two cups of coffee and motioned for the sugar and milk, but I waved them away.

She sat the two cups down at the table. She disappeared for a moment and came back with a Mariners shirt. I slipped it over my head and sat down next to her at the table. She did all this without speaking a single word to me.

I sipped on my hot coffee. I burned my lip a little, but I tried to keep from letting Bella notice. She stared away from me. I wanted to apologize. I couldn't even get the words out.

"Bella, I…"

"Jacob, please, not right now."

"But let me explain…"

"Jacob anything you have to say right now will fall on deaf ears. Now drink your coffee, shut the fuck up and warm up so you can get the hell out of my kitchen."

My mouth dropped to the floor. I'd never heard Bella use a harsh tone with anyone, ever. Even when she talked about Edward and the pain that he'd put her through, she was more than willing to play fair and nice. I realized that I had hurt her beyond anything he had ever done. I stood up, taking one more sip of my coffee, and tried to touch her shoulder to let her know that I was okay with her being angry with me. She slapped my hand away.

I left the damp towel I dried off with at the table and walked down the foyer to the red door. I stood staring at it for a moment, then realized that Bella couldn't block out everything unless she stuck her fingers in her ears. I waited for the moment and stuck my head around the corner.

"Bella, I really do love you."

I turned and walked to the red door, shutting it softly behind me as I walked out to the motorcycle. The rain had all but stopped. I slipped the rain soaked shirt into the cargo spot on the motorcycle and hitched my leg over the seat. I took one more look at the front of the house, hoping Bella would come running out and back into my arms.

I was sadly disappointed.

I stepped on the kick start and started the engine. Sighing, I rode off into the night, let down, disappointed, and hurt.

I pulled the motorcycle back into the garage, hopefully unnoticed. I knocked out the kickstand and sat down on the old bench seat that Bella sat on while she watched me work on our project.

I put my head into my hands and wanted to cry out in frustration. How could I have been so stupid?

I began picking up all the tools of my trade, and as I put each one away, I wanted to throw them against the wall.

"Fuck" I screamed out as I threw a wrench across the garage. It hit the wall and bounced off to the floor.

Bella – the girl of my dreams, the one I wanted and the one I took forever to find, didn't want me anymore. How could I have been so stupid?

I began internally beating myself up over her. Her eyes said it all to me. She hated me.

After all my tools were put away, I covered the motorcycles back up and turned the light to the garage off and bolted the door shut behind me. The rain was drizzling outside, and I started my slow walk back to the house.

I got halfway up the path when I realized a very familiar truck was sitting in the driveway of my house.

Leaning against her truck, Bella stared off into space, not saying a word as I walked up to her.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I made way beside her.

"I'll be honest, I have no idea," she said as she fiddled with her thumbs.

"I'm glad you came back," I said, walking closer to her. She turned her head from me and sighed.

"I'm here because I want my motorcycle. I don't have any plans of coming back in the future, so I wanted what was rightfully mine." A single tear fell from her eye.

"What if I don't want to give it to you? I don't think you are ready to have it."

She glared at me. "Jacob Black, I bought those damn motorcycles with my hard earned money. You're lucky I'm only taking mine with me."

"Bella, you really don't want the motorcycle. You're just hurt, and you have every right to feel upset and angry with me.

"Upset and angry, Jacob? I have more than a right. I trusted you with my feelings, and you said you couldn't be with me. I just don't even want to be around you anymore."

Bella began sobbing uncontrollably. I reached for her, and she punched me very hard. She jumped up and down holding her hand.

"Holy shit that hurt. What do you have as a head, a boulder?" I laughed. I didn't mean to laugh, but she looked so damn cute jumping up and down like a little kid. I stopped and finally looked at her hand.

"I don't think it's broken, just maybe jammed a couple of fingers. Didn't anyone tell you to tuck your thumb in before you hit someone?" My face started throbbing where she hit me, but I wouldn't tell her that.

I stared into her eyes as I massaged the joint on her thumb. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying. The rain started to pour more heavily as I placed my hand behind her head. I pulled her face closer to mine, and her lips pressed hard against me. Her tongue brushed the edge of my lips, and I felt my body tingle.

I pushed harder into her, prying her lips open with my tongue, tasting every part of her and dying for more. Her hands wrapped around by waist as I placed my hands to her face. She was literally taking my breath away.

I pulled away from her, and she smiled. "I guess that was you making up with me?"

"I think so."

"Bella – I – I love you so much, and I'm sorry that I told you I couldn't be with you. It was a lie. These past couple of months have been the best time that I've ever had in my life. Just seeing you open up more and smile more makes me feel like I'm doing something right for once in my life. I can't just let you go."

Tears started to pour from her eyes again. "Jacob, I look forward to the time we spend together. At first, I didn't think I could learn to love anyone else. I thought my heart was shattered beyond compare. It is obvious to me that you held just the right kind of glue to put it back together again."

I smiled. "I've always wanted nothing but happiness for you. I want you to be my girl Bella. Please? For me?"

She looked up at the full moon and smiled. "Jacob, I wouldn't want anything more than to be with you."

I grabbed her hand. "Let's go finish the starter on your motorcycle. I'm ready to take you riding soon."

We walked hand in hand back to the shop. This time, when she held my hand, she held it as my girlfriend. That was the best feeling in the world.

**A/N: I dedicate this story to my fiancé, Michael aka HanFauxLo. This coming week marks the first day we met a year ago. Without his support and love, I wouldn't be able to write as much as I do. Also, to my beta Cereuleanblue who is an amazing beta and friend. Also, to my Team Fire and Ice h00rs, I love y'all hard. And, of course I have to thank the judges and hosts for the contest.**


End file.
